Anthony Robbins' Six Steps to Emotional Mastery

 You may recall from my last post that I am rereading the book Awakening the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins. I want to share today another part that has stood out to me in this book. In chapter 11, Robbins talk about emotional mastery, that is, to strengthen our ability to control our emotions rather than letting them control us. He shares with us the six steps to emotional mastery, which I would like to discuss here.

Six Steps to Emotional Mastery

Step one is to identify what you are really feeling

When we are emotional, often it can be hard to pick out and articulate what the emotion actually is. Robbins phrases it as "all [we] know is that [we're] being 'attacked' by all these negative emotions and feelings." The first step is to identify exactly what we are feeling. How do we do that? We have to force ourselves to take a step back and ask, "What am I really feeling right now?" Sometimes we can misinterpret our emotions. Robbins gives an example of feeling rejected. Is there another emotion that better describes what you are feeling? Are you actually just feeling separation, loneliness, disappointment, or even just a little uncomfortable? My last post was about the way we talk to ourselves and the words that we use. Remember that when describing how we feel.

Step two is to Acknowledge and Appreciate Your Emotions, Knowing They Support You

Here, Robbins makes it very clear that we never want to label our emotions as "wrong". Our emotions are here to support us. They are a call to action, signals that things aren't quite right. Even if you don't like the way they feel, or don't understand them, they are there to help you, to push you toward positive change. "Cultivate the feeling of appreciation for all emotions, and like a child that needs attention, you'll find your emotions 'calming down' almost immediately." Our emotions do not heal or go away if we ignore them or try to push them down. They don't stop if we tell ourselves that they are wrong or that "I shouldn't be feeling this way." These often make the emotion more intense. Instead, we need to acknowledge the emotion, and then move on to the next step.

Step three is to Get Curious about the Message This Emotion is Offering You

Above I mentioned that our emotions are calls to action. Negative emotions are there to push us to make positive changes and growth. To know what changes need to be made, we first need to understand the message the emotion is offering us. Robbins has four questions we can ask ourselves to help us understand the messages our emotions have for us:

1. What do I really want to feel?
2. What would I have to believe in order to feel the way I've been feeling?
3. What am I willing to do to create a solution and handle this right now?
4. What can I learn from this?

Once we identify the messages, we can figure out solutions. Once have solutions, we can behind to make those positive changes mentioned before.

Step four is to Get Confident

If you've ever felt this emotion before, or a similar one, then you already know that you can get through it. I'm going to diverge a little from Robbins here and quote Viktor Frankl: "Pain is only bearable if we know it will end, not if we deny it exists." This maybe seem like it belongs in step two, but I'm putting it here because the point is to remember that emotions are temporary, and we will get past them. Many people get caught in the mental trap of thinking their current emotional state is never ending. Some emotions may last a while, but we must know that we can get through them. Robbins states that the best way he knows of to handle an emotion is to think of a time you have felt that same or a similar emotion before and remember how you got through it. You've successfully handled it before, you can do it again now, and perhaps even better since last time. 

Step five is to Get Certain You Can Handle This Not Only Today, But in the Future as Well

Create a plan for handling this emotion in the future. Rehearse the plan so you know what to do next time. Perhaps even write it down or save it as a note in your phone. This step contributes to your confidence in step four for next, but also your overall confidence as you build up the certainty and knowledge that you can handle your emotions in the future. 

Step six is to Get Excited, and Take Action

Robbins says that the final step is to "get excited about the fact that you can easily handle this emotion, and take some action right away to prove that you've handled it." Here is where we take action to create positive change as we've been talking about all along here. What message did you receive from your emotions in step three? What changes can you make to help move you toward more positive emotions? Perhaps most importantly, keep top of mind that you now have the tools you need to handle your emotions.

With these six steps, we can identify our emotions and the messages they have for us. We can create a plan for handling them and feel confident that we'll get past them in the future. Our emotions will no longer control us, we will learn to control them instead. The process may be long and arduous, you may fail several times before really getting the hang of it but keep trying and you will succeed. Self-improvement takes time. Be patient with yourself and take it one step at a time. You can do it.

How You Talk to Yourself Matters

 I have recently been rereading a book I received a long time ago called Awakening the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins. The book was given to me about 16 years ago by a successful businessman I was working with at the time. I did not take advantage of the situation and failed to learn the most important lessons from the businessman. Additionally, I read only the first couple of chapters of the book and promptly stacked it with my many other unread or partially read books. Now that I am old enough to appreciate what I should have (and wish I had) learned back then, this book has finally piqued my interest.

One of the things Robbins hits on hard early in the book, and especially in Chapters 8 and 9, is the idea that the way we talk to ourselves matters. Most of us have an inner monologue, and sometimes we even like to think out loud. Robbins encourages us to be aware of the language that we are using in these instances. In chapter 8 he discusses the questions we ask ourselves, and in chapter 9 he discusses the words we use to describe things. Here are just a couple of things that stood out to me from the book.

Our Questions Guide Our Thought Processes

The questions that we ask ourselves determine the direction our thought processes go when looking at a situation. Consider this quote:

"Some men see things as they are, and say, 'Why?' I dream of things that never were, and say, 'Why not?'" -George Bernard Shaw

 Shaw is a well-known playwright. He wrote not by asking himself what has been done? but by asking what can be done? In a similar fashion, when faced with a problem, we can ask ourselves questions in a way that expands our thinking. If something breaks at work, instead of asking "why did this happen?" what if we asked, "how can we fix this, so it doesn't happen again?" Next time you lose something, instead of asking "why am I so forgetful?" How about asking "where have I been in the past two days?" The idea is to prime our brain to look for solutions rather that fixating on the problem. Some people get stuck on the "why me?" or terminate their thought process with "I just have bad luck." It is better to ask questions that keep you moving toward a solution.

This chapter reminded me of a concept used in the Army for improvement called the after-action review (AAR). After any sort of drill, exercise, or operation, the Army unit will conduct an AAR. There is an expanded version of the AAR, but most of the time I've seen and used the condensed version. In this version, we put four columns up on a whiteboard. The first is "what was supposed to happen?", the second is "What actually happened?", third is "What should we sustain?", and fourth is "What can we improve?". The entire unit participates in filling out these columns and the feedback received is used to improve future operations. It is simple, but continually asking these questions can have a massive positive effect on things going forward.

The Words That We Use Affect Our Feelings

In chapter 9, Robbins talks about the importance of the words that we use to describe situations, feelings, and even objects. How often do you ask someone how they are and hear a monotonous, flat "fine"? You may notice that the mood in the situation immediately flops. Contrast that to the person who smiles and responds with a perky "Great!" or even a dramatic "Fan-freaking-tastic!" The mood immediately skyrockets and you can't help returning a smile. You feel warm and friendly toward this person right away. This doesn't have to be limited to our interactions with other people. The words we use with ourselves are equally important. When your alarm goes off in the morning, do you immediately think "uhhhgg....not again"? This is a negatively charged statement that is setting you up for a negative attitude for the rest of the day, and the day hasn't even started yet! Try this for a week: as soon as your alarm goes off, think "wooo! Time for another freaking amazing day!" Heck, belt it out loud! (just try not to bother your spouse 😬) Put as much enthusiasm as you can muster, plus a little extra, behind it. This positively charged statement sets your attitude up for a more positive day. 

Be Careful How You Speak to Yourself

As you can see, it is important that we are keenly aware of how our self-talk affects us. The questions that we ask ourselves guide our thought processes and can lead us down nasty rabbit holes if we are not careful. Ask questions that lead you toward solutions instead. Change up your vocabulary to use words with more positive connotations and enthusiasm. Is that thing just "cool" or is it "awesome", "freaking amazing", or "supremely marvelous"? Instead of calling something a "failure", try using "set-back" or "speedbump" to indicate that it is something temporary you can get past. Humans are resilient and anti-fragile. We bounce back in marvelous and awe-inspiring ways. We accomplish that by talking to ourselves in the right ways.

Appreciate the Truth and Accept Bad News with Grace

     A few years ago I read a book called American Icon by Bryce G. Hoffman. It is about Ford Motor Company during the automotive industry's slump around the 2008 timeframe. On the brink of bankruptcy, the big three American automotive manufacturers were offered a bailout by the federal government to avoid putting millions of people out of jobs. General Motors and Chrysler both jumped at the opportunity, and even asked for more later on. Ford, on the other hand, decided to save itself. Bill Ford, then CEO and Chairman of Ford, graciously stepped down and hired Alan Mullaly as CEO to bring Ford Motor Company back to its feet. It's a fascinating story and an interesting look into how these corporations work from the inside. I highly recommend it.

    One story from the book that stood out to me, and is still on my mind, is the recounting of Mullaly's first meetings with Ford's department heads. Despite operations obviously not going well, despite the company spiraling toward bankruptcy, every department head reported green in their presentations. They twisted facts, fudged numbers, deflected blame, pointed fingers, and ultimately lied to avoid reporting how bad things truly were for the company. In the past they had been berated, shamed, and threatened for reporting bad news. The company had been cutthroat, with little compassion for mistakes or underperformance. The department heads had learned that upper management cared more about looking good than they did actually fixing the root cause of the problems.

    Mullaly instantly recognized this as a major downfall for the company. How could he get an accurate picture of what's going on inside the company if his department heads are too afraid to be honest? Mullaly spoke to one of the heads he had built some rapport with and convinced him to lay out all of the bad news at the next meeting. He obliged, and at the next meeting, this head was the only one to show red on his presentation. The room went cold, breathing stopped, and everyone waited for him to be ripped a new one. Mullaly simply smiled, and with stoic appreciation, thanked the head for his honesty. Furthermore, Mullaly asked the head what he needed to fix the problems, and solicited the help and support of other department heads to get things moving efficiently again. The head left the meeting feeling supported rather than berated. It set a new tone among the company leadership.

    At the next meeting, most of the other department heads were still skeptical, but a few dared to show some yellow and even one or two reds. Mullaly treated them with exactly the same stoic respect and appreciation, and coordinated collaboration with other departments to attack the problems' root causes rather than each other. Finally at one of the next meetings, every department head revealed their hands, and every presentation was full of yellow and red. Some of the department heads had even began to collaborate on their own, without requiring the CEO to force them to work together. Now that the culture had changed and they were no longer afraid to be honest, the business's core issues could be addressed. 

    As leaders, it is important that our people feel safe bringing us the truth, especially when it is bad news. If people are afraid to be honest, it becomes impossible for us to gain a complete and accurate understanding of a situation. Should there still be consequences? Of course, but we should be appreciative of the truth first, and then ensure the consequences are fair and just. We should be supportive while the person or people deal with the consequences, and perhaps most importantly, we should help them to understand why what happened was wrong or why the issue needs to be fixed. Punishment doesn't encourage positive change, but support and guidance do.

6 Things I've Learned About Goals

It seems every guru you listen to, every success book you read, and every course you take stresses the importance of goals. Additionally, each one of these pushes a different way of setting and pursuing goals. I read a lot of books on success, and one of my favorites is 9 Things Successful People do Differently by Heidi Halvorson. Here are six things I've learned about goals from personal experience:

1. Pick the right strategy. There are dozens of strategies for setting goals, and some of them are just derivatives or hybrids of the other ones. One of the ones that was drilled into my head as I was growing up is SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time bound. What I've learned is that there is no one strategy to rule them all, every person thinks about their goals in different ways, so pick a strategy that complements how your mind works.
2. Monetary and material rewards don't work. A lot of strategies advocate setting rewards for meeting your goals. I am all for this, but I would advocate that monetary or material rewards should be secondary rewards. I've come to find that improvements to my mental state and happiness are far more valuable rewards than stuff. In his book Lost Connections, author Johann Hari identifies nine underlying causes of depression, such as disconnection from meaningful work, and disconnection from nature. Set your goals so that the outcome of the goals improve your happiness. It is far better to do what you love for less pay than to make more and hate your job, even if that job you hate enables you to buy more stuff.
3. Physically look at your goals every day. In The Secret by Rhonda Byrne, the author talks about having a vision board and several anecdotes are shown in the movie adaptation. While I no longer buy into the message of "positive thinking is all you need to be successful" (I think this glosses over several other factors), I do believe very sincerely in the vision board concept. One of my goals is to own several rental houses to create passive income so that I can spend less time working and more time with my family. I got on my computer and put together a page with little pictures of houses, exactly how many I want to own, then I captioned it with my exact goal. I printed this page and taped it to the wall next to my desk so that I see it every day. It keeps that goal in the front of my mind and keeps me from changing it on a whim (something I tend to do frequently if I don't physically write things down). Your vision board should correspond to however your mind works and should fit with your strategy from my first point. Maybe instead of pictures you would like a spreadsheet of numbers, or a list with check boxes, or something else. Do what works for you.
4. Start with why. My all time favorite speaker and author is Simon Sinek. One of his books, called Start With Why, illustrates the importance of knowing the reasons for doing what we do. Whenever we find work to be meaningless (and therefore unfulfilling), it is often because either we don't know the reason(s) for doing the work, or the reason(s) don't matter to us. This also ties back to Johann Hari's concept of disconnection from meaningful work. When you decide to set a goal, you need to start with a good, strong foundational reason for attaining that goal. Without this, it will become too easy give up later when difficulties arise. My reason for aggressively pursuing passive income is not to become rich, to have lots of money, or to drive a Lamborghini. Those are superficial reasons that really don't matter to me deep down, despite them being "cool". My reason is to supplement my income enough that I can drop to part time work, or even not need to work and can spend more time with my future children. Know your reasons why, and be sure to put those reasons on your vision board with your goals.
5. Eliminate unreasoned goals. Setting goals can sometimes be like loading up your plate a buffet. You get back to your table with an overflowing plate, stuff yourself, and still have food on your plate. On multiple occasions I have created pages and pages of goals, only to realize a few weeks later that half of them really didn't matter to me. When setting your goals, go back to point number four. If your reason for that particular goal isn't strong, if that reason won't be with you for at least the time frame of the goal, it's probably not a good goal to set. That being said, there's nothing wrong with your reason being a strong "because I want to". One of my goals is to become fluent at speaking German, and my reason is "because I want to". I had a goal at one time of creating a YouTube channel "because I want to", but that faded and I got rid of that goal. It's okay to set these goals and then eliminate them later. Sometimes we don't realize that our "why" isn't good enough until later on, but at some point you need to eliminate goals you don't care about so that you can focus more energy on goals you do care about.
6. Take time for yourself. Burnout is real. You can't spend 12 hours per day, 7 days per week working. Even if your body can handle it, your mind will burn out (there's a reason labor laws exist and why 40 hours per week is generally the work week limit). You should spend time on each of your goals once a week at a minimum, but you also need to rest. Your rest and recovery time will be different than everyone else's, but it is vital to avoiding burn out. Even if you don't feel tired, take a quick break once in while. Once you burn out, it's very difficult to get back into the flow. Head it off before it happens.

These are the six things I have learned over the past several years that I think are most important for setting and achieving goals. Set yourself up for success by finding what works for you and going after what you want. Life isn't about getting rich, pleasing other people, or having stuff. Life is about happiness, fulfillment and experience. Go get it.

An Overview of Git

What is git?

Git is one of the most popular and widely known version control tools. It's been used for countless open-source projects, commercial products, and even for non-coding projects like to write books. Git keeps track of changes to you code (or other content) and allows you to create incremental versions, as well as keep a history of changes. You can even roll back to previous versions or "cherry pick" parts of previous versions you want to bring back. 

How does git work?

Git was intended to be a serverless system, but most setups today have a central server (repository) often known as "origin". Origin is typically where the "master" code is stored (more on this later). Contributors (developers, designers, writers, etc) typically create a copy of this code, known as a branch, for working on. The contributor has an instance of git installed on their own computer that has its own local database. They use their local instance of git to copy (clone) their newly created branch of code to their own computer. They use whatever tools they prefer to make changes to the files in their branch. When they are finished, they "stage" these changes to tell git to track them and "commit" so that git records the changes in it's local database. Once they've made all of the changes they want, they can "push" the code to origin to store what they've done in the central repository. Take a look at the graphic below for an illustration of this process.

Once all of the desired changes have been made on a branch, that branch can be merged into the master branch. Remember that git tracks changes within files, not just files. When a contributor merges a branch to another branch, the changes the contributor made to their branch are made to the other branch. This allows contributors to work on different parts of a project at the same time and commit changes to the project without stepping on work other contributors have done. It's confusing, I know. Below is an example of my favorite branching strategy that will hopefully help clear it up.

Branching Strategies

There are a lot of different branching strategies used in git (and other version control tools). Here, I will show you my favorite one using an example. Use the diagram below to follow along. Let's suppose we have Carl and Mary both working at Awesome Inc. They are developers working on the flagship product: Awesome Software. On the left, you'll see there is a "Master branch". This is the master copy of the code. The blue dots represent releases (e.g. version 1, version 2, etc.). Here is what happens:

1. The project manager creates a development branch from the master branch. At first, the development branch is an exact copy of the master branch. Changes are not made directly to the development branch, all changes happen in "feature" or "bug fix" branches.
2. Carl is going to add a feature to the project, so he creates a new branch, known as a "feature branch" from the development branch. Feature branches are typically short lived. Carl finishes his changes, but before they can be merged into the development branch, they must go through a "code review" where other developers on his team look at his code and either approve or disapprove it. If it gets disapproved, Carl goes back and refines his changes. Once approved, he can merge his code into the development branch.
3. Mary is fixing a bug in the code. She also creates a new branch, known as a "bug fix" branch, from the development branch. Like feature branches, bug fix branches are typically short lived and address only the bug they are created to fix. Mary's code goes through the same code review approval/disapproval process that Carl's code went through. Once approved, she merges her code into the development branch.
4. Testing is a major part of development. Often unit tests are included in the feature and bug fix branches. The development branch is also frequently tested, usually automatically (a topic for another day).
5. There are typically dozens or even hundreds of feature branches and bug fix branches merged into a development branch before it is considered ready to be released as a new product version. The development branch also undergoes extensive testing and review (the people who do this testing and review depend on the organization). At the bottom of the diagram you will see a light blue dot labeled "New version release". Once the testers and reviewers are satisfied, the development branch is merged with the master branch. At that point, a new version of Awesome Software is created from the master branch and released to customers. Notice the development branch is kept. Development continues on this branch to produce future releases.

This is just one example of a branching strategy and you will likely encounter others, some simpler and some much more complex. This one just happens to be my favorite.

Using version control is hugely beneficial to development projects, especially larger ones with multiple developers. If you use a suite like GitLab, you can even build automatic testing and deployment into your version control process, leaving you more time for coding and making releases easier. It is definitely worth learning. In a future post, I'll go through the basic workflow of using git with a project.