Anthony Robbins' Six Steps to Emotional Mastery

 You may recall from my last post that I am rereading the book Awakening the Giant Within by Anthony Robbins. I want to share today another part that has stood out to me in this book. In chapter 11, Robbins talk about emotional mastery, that is, to strengthen our ability to control our emotions rather than letting them control us. He shares with us the six steps to emotional mastery, which I would like to discuss here.

Six Steps to Emotional Mastery

Step one is to identify what you are really feeling

When we are emotional, often it can be hard to pick out and articulate what the emotion actually is. Robbins phrases it as "all [we] know is that [we're] being 'attacked' by all these negative emotions and feelings." The first step is to identify exactly what we are feeling. How do we do that? We have to force ourselves to take a step back and ask, "What am I really feeling right now?" Sometimes we can misinterpret our emotions. Robbins gives an example of feeling rejected. Is there another emotion that better describes what you are feeling? Are you actually just feeling separation, loneliness, disappointment, or even just a little uncomfortable? My last post was about the way we talk to ourselves and the words that we use. Remember that when describing how we feel.

Step two is to Acknowledge and Appreciate Your Emotions, Knowing They Support You

Here, Robbins makes it very clear that we never want to label our emotions as "wrong". Our emotions are here to support us. They are a call to action, signals that things aren't quite right. Even if you don't like the way they feel, or don't understand them, they are there to help you, to push you toward positive change. "Cultivate the feeling of appreciation for all emotions, and like a child that needs attention, you'll find your emotions 'calming down' almost immediately." Our emotions do not heal or go away if we ignore them or try to push them down. They don't stop if we tell ourselves that they are wrong or that "I shouldn't be feeling this way." These often make the emotion more intense. Instead, we need to acknowledge the emotion, and then move on to the next step.

Step three is to Get Curious about the Message This Emotion is Offering You

Above I mentioned that our emotions are calls to action. Negative emotions are there to push us to make positive changes and growth. To know what changes need to be made, we first need to understand the message the emotion is offering us. Robbins has four questions we can ask ourselves to help us understand the messages our emotions have for us:

1. What do I really want to feel?
2. What would I have to believe in order to feel the way I've been feeling?
3. What am I willing to do to create a solution and handle this right now?
4. What can I learn from this?

Once we identify the messages, we can figure out solutions. Once have solutions, we can behind to make those positive changes mentioned before.

Step four is to Get Confident

If you've ever felt this emotion before, or a similar one, then you already know that you can get through it. I'm going to diverge a little from Robbins here and quote Viktor Frankl: "Pain is only bearable if we know it will end, not if we deny it exists." This maybe seem like it belongs in step two, but I'm putting it here because the point is to remember that emotions are temporary, and we will get past them. Many people get caught in the mental trap of thinking their current emotional state is never ending. Some emotions may last a while, but we must know that we can get through them. Robbins states that the best way he knows of to handle an emotion is to think of a time you have felt that same or a similar emotion before and remember how you got through it. You've successfully handled it before, you can do it again now, and perhaps even better since last time. 

Step five is to Get Certain You Can Handle This Not Only Today, But in the Future as Well

Create a plan for handling this emotion in the future. Rehearse the plan so you know what to do next time. Perhaps even write it down or save it as a note in your phone. This step contributes to your confidence in step four for next, but also your overall confidence as you build up the certainty and knowledge that you can handle your emotions in the future. 

Step six is to Get Excited, and Take Action

Robbins says that the final step is to "get excited about the fact that you can easily handle this emotion, and take some action right away to prove that you've handled it." Here is where we take action to create positive change as we've been talking about all along here. What message did you receive from your emotions in step three? What changes can you make to help move you toward more positive emotions? Perhaps most importantly, keep top of mind that you now have the tools you need to handle your emotions.

With these six steps, we can identify our emotions and the messages they have for us. We can create a plan for handling them and feel confident that we'll get past them in the future. Our emotions will no longer control us, we will learn to control them instead. The process may be long and arduous, you may fail several times before really getting the hang of it but keep trying and you will succeed. Self-improvement takes time. Be patient with yourself and take it one step at a time. You can do it.